Man Who Drinks 5 Diet Cokes Per Day Hoping Doctors Working On Cure For Whatever He’s Getting

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BINGHAMTON, NY—After ending his second can of Weight-reduction plan Coke of the morning, native man Derek Cowan, who reportedly drinks 5 of the artificially sweetened delicate drinks a day, expressed his honest hope that researchers are at the moment engaged on a treatment for no matter horrible illness he’s getting proper now. “I’m simply going to optimistically anticipate that by the point the persistent ailment I’m at the moment creating absolutely progresses, a group of devoted researchers working across the clock in a lab someplace may have discovered a treatment,” Cowan stated, noting that he’s “relying on” scientists to invent a capsule, vaccine, patch, or different medical resolution within the coming years to forestall individuals from contracting no matter horrific, life-threatening illness you finally get from consuming 60 or extra ounces of Weight-reduction plan Coke every day. “It is sensible as a result of drugs is already so superior that in 15 to 20 years, after I lastly expertise the complete onset of regardless of the hell freaky sickness is slowly gestating within me with every sugar-free can of this shit, there’s certain to be a minimum of one treatment. And I hope they begin engaged on it quickly, too, as a result of I’m not feeling so nice.” Cowan added that, till that day comes, he might actually go for an additional Weight-reduction plan Coke.

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